Friday, February 14, 2003

watch out!

They have already infiltrated our instructure, from the entertainment industry to our hockey teams to chinese restaurants to insurance companies. Now they're going in for the kill!


Earlier this week, government officials advised Americans to buy duct tape (no doubt Duck duct tape, since it has taken over the largest American corporation, Walmart). The tape supposedly would help seal us safely away from biological or chemical terrorist attacks. Unfortunately, it would also cause our rooms to run out of fresh air, causing us to pass out in five hours. A small price to pay for safety from airborne Ebola.

But the Duck tape conspiracy goes deeper. Reuters reports that Terror Experts Skeptical About Duct Tape:

"It just doesn't make a lot of sense to me," said Greg Evans, director of the Center for the Study of Bioterrorism and Emerging Infections at the St. Louis University School of Public Health.

One problem, he said, is that people wouldn't know when to seal themselves in, because terrorists would release germs or chemical agents without warning.

"We're only going to know about it when we start coming down sick, and that's too late to go into a safe room," he said. For biological attack, the first symptoms might not appear for days, he noted.

What's more, he said he doubts a room could be completely sealed, meaning tiny amounts of potent chemical or biological weapons could still seep in.

Randy Larsen, director of the ANSER Institute for Homeland Security, a nonprofit research institute in Arlington, Va., agreed that the strategy is useless against biological attack as well as bombs or plunging jetliners.

In a chemical attack, "it might be of some limited value," he said, "but do you have adequate warning? Do you have time to do it? Can you really seal off the room?"

Fight the ducks! We will survive and prosper.


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