The Case Against a Signature Mascot

Today in seminar, many students--me included--were stunned to find that the school was voting for a mascot. Even more alarming was that a lot of students already had a mascot candidate in mind. The Signature Commodores. The Signature John Hancocks. The Sigature Dragons. Penguins. Grumpy Bears. Therapists of Signature. Unfortunately, the first mascot could be slightly altered to produce a synonym for 'toilets' by other schools. The second mascot would invariably be shortened into simply the last syllable by anti-Sig groups..."teens will be teens." Dragons, Penguins, and Grumpy Bears all seem humorous, but not real mascot material. And Therapists of Signature makes no sense to most people...

So what's the solution? Not some ineffective compromise that would leave a legacy as indelible as the Great Missouri Compromise did...nor a simple "majority rule" decision (which would probably make us the Signature Dragons). Instead, the best solution is simply to not have a mascot. At least that's what I think. Opinions? I'm writing a paper over this controversy soon.